Writing thoughts burried in heart on a diary gives me peace, I feel the pages bandages my wounds and the Black ink woks as dettol. – Hill Station Reader
How is my life now ?
I don’t prefer sleeping more anymore, the days of summer are back and if I sleep during the day, I stay up like an owl during the long night. Actually not an owl because an owl sits on a big tree, under the blankets of stars and cold winds hugs his soul, he enjoys the beauty of the night but I Don’t, I lay on my bed in a closed room, covered with walls and the prison.
I feel here like a prisoner , I know the walls are a necessity but I don’t like them. I always want to stay in a room with long walls but no rooftop, and if there is rooftop then it should be decorated like chimneys through which moonlight can enter inside – talk to me and my loneliness during the night, I want brightness of the stars to lighten up the books I read sitting near the window.
I want that cold winds of the night to purify the insight of me and make me Happy but things aren’t like this, I live in a closed room with no windows. I don’t like this place, and more on that here it is so silent that even the tick tick of the watch hanging on the wall make me feel lonely by running louder with the passing time, the Hare Krishna Hare Rama cassette playing in the temple of the house echoes highest now .
And I try all my best to sleep, I count numbers on reverse because I did this trick of counting 100, 99…to..3,2,1 during my childhood and this would make me sleep.
There is no secret or magic in this but I simply followed this because mom told me this in childhood but along with growing up childhood tricks don’t work anymore now, I try to keep myself busy in phone but then phone battery drains at a time and to avoid my addiction and the dark circles I don’t charge it again.
I don’t read books during the night for the sake of my eyes, and the ache of head that gives me a bad hangover for the next morning
I simply try to sleep, I Meditate and then I tug my blanket a little more tight now and after sometime I throw it away, I take the pillow and keep it on my head, and request my brain to stop thinking.
The process continues, I check the time, I wake up take a sip of water, check if anyone is up with whom I can share the pain in my heart .
I see no one, I sleep again.
How was my life then ?
I reach to childhood days where I woke up at 5 in the morning, brushed my teeth and sat to study my lessons for an hour, later I got ready for school.
After having the breakfast I went to school, there I enjoyed with friends and studied, then back from school would tire me, after the lunch I didn’t sleep and completed my homework first and then called my friend to come to play, I did homework early to play more.
By the time it was evening we would come back home after playing with the group, we would play by drawing a game from chalk with some stones. It was the best game, it didn’t keep me hooked with my phone screen on candy crush or social media.
Mom would call our name to come inside by the evening, we would come after 5 more minutes mamma.
We would wash our hands, check the diary and distribute lessons that we have to learn now and for next morning.
Then we took dinner, studied a few watched t.v and kept the book near us while sleeping, the book which we will be studying next morning.
We would brush teeth again and go to bed by 10 and fall sleep in next 10 minutes dreaming about ‘I want to become big soon to get rid of the homework and class tests session’ .
During childhood I wanted to grow up big soon and now that I am grown up I miss my childhood each and every day.
I thought that homework is the only biggest tension in life but I was so wrong .
Growing up taught me plenty of other tensions like carrier, life partner, money, changes in life, friends and how selfish people are !
It is up to us to be happy in life –
Then I fall sleep by 3 in morning, and wake up by 6 with a bad headache to face another day of my life.
Today while waking up I decided no matter how bad the headache is, I won’t let it steal my smile so I got ready earliest, called an old school teacher, went to school and decided to start teaching to kids again because I want to relive my childhood in them, I want a disciplined and busy life, sitting at home to boredom and during the night to nightmares of dragons and Dracula shouting at me that I have become old is not gonna be my life anymore now.
I want to relive my down to memory lane moments .